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Office Perils, a brief field guide

cubicle17:

As an office-dweller by day, I understand the need for quick identification of workplace perils. The cubicle jungle can be a dangerous place, and it’s best for all of us if you’re aware of the potential dangers. Please consider this a brief field guide for those of you new to the office:

  1. Do not drink the office coffee. By definition, office coffee is terrible.
  2. Never shake hands with “that guy” who goes to the bathroom and doesn’t wash his hands.
  3. That sponge in the kitchen/break room? It’s roughly 4 years old and there is stuff growing on it for which there is no cure.
  4. Never touch a co-worker’s computer unless instructed to do so. I’ve seen people killed for less.
  5. Alt-Tab (or the OS X equivalent) is the most important keystroke ever.
  6. The best friend you can make in an office is the person with the most food stashed in their desk drawers.
  7. The printer/fax machine/copier will fail when you need it most. There are no exceptions to this rule. (see Office Space for more details)
  8. Every field has a way of needlessly working its jargon into normal conversation (for example, IT people use “bandwidth” where they mean “free time” and “ping me” where they mean “send me an IM, please”). Please don’t do this.
  9. If you ask a coworker about the children’s drawings on his/her cube wall, prepare to be there for the rest of the day. No one loves to talk about their children more than cube trolls.
  10. Beware the Meeting Hydra. Nothing in the office is scarier, or more deadly, than the meeting that spawns other meetings. Nothing.

This is Office Perils 101 level stuff, and while you should always be on the lookout for the things on this list, realize that each office has its own unique perils.

Best of luck brave office newbie. I hope to see you on the other side.

 It’s low-productivity Friday, so I present you with more office/work related humor.

2008.04.25  11:29am  ∞

Post Notes

  1. studio101 reblogged this from cubicle17
  2. manzer reblogged this from cubicle17
  3. rodmitch reblogged this from cubicle17
  4. tlc reblogged this from cubicle17 and added:
    regular occurrence...my office. Number eight...also pretty...
  5. ayutheos reblogged this from cubicle17
  6. jeffjewiss reblogged this from cubicle17 and added:
    job opening up: cubicle jungle guides.
  7. britne reblogged this from cubicle17
  8. auditinprogress reblogged this from cubicle17 and added:
    low-productivity Friday, so I present...office/work related humor.
  9. liminality reblogged this from cubicle17 and added:
    My sentiments exactly!
  10. marco reblogged this from cubicle17 and added:
    Bill Israel, including:
  11. inky reblogged this from cubicle17
  12. camaronsunshine reblogged this from cubicle17
  13. frecklesmakemestrong reblogged this from cubicle17 and added:
    some CUPCAKES. If you bring them...a Friday or a Monday
  14. cubicle17 posted this
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